It’s strange when your biggest weakness is also your biggest strength. That the thing that almost kills you can also be your reason for staying alive. Being highly sensitive is challenging to say the least. Most of my decisions are based on emotions rather than logic or any kind of ethics. and not necessarily my own emotions. Oh no, that would be far too easy, wouldn’t it? Most of my decisions are made based on what I imagine will be the least painful option for others involved, often to my own detriment. Sometimes I get it wrong. (A LOT). Or I get resentful and become too selfish in an effort to balance things out, and end up causing more harm than help.
It can be dangerous having such a vast understanding of the human spectrum of emotion. It means you relate to all kinds of emotions. It means you relate to all kinds of people. And always see the emotion behind the action or motive, which can make it difficult to distance yourself from negative behaviours or hold others accountable for their actions. But does anyone do the same for you? You can end up in a situation where you have been hurt, and yet you are empathising with the person who hurt you, instead of considering your own feelings. People will be drawn to you because they will be consciously, or subconsciously, aware of this trait. You may not be easy to fool, but you are susceptible to being manipulated. Being aware of these manipulation tactics won’t necessarily stop you from allowing it to happen. It can just make you feel like twice as much of an idiot.
If this sounds like you, there is something I need to share with you. People who are highly empathetic attract people who are highly narcissistic. It is likely that you prefer to see the good in others, due to your unique understanding of why people are the way they are, and the likely factors and underlying emotions that have contributed to these negative behaviours.
Narcissists are highly charming. when they see something they admire in another, they will knowingly mimic those traits in order to boost their own likability. (That’s not to say that they can’t have wonderful goodness or lovely traits or similar interests or values, just to be clear. I resent that some articles talk about narcissist as though they are not actual human beings and are literally just balls of mass-destruction who set out to hurt others. SO WRONG. AGH. But just be aware and protect yourself, whether you find yourself being used by people, or you find yourself overwhelmed by the desires of your ego and end up hurting others and yourself.)Admiration is very important to narcissists. Sometimes they don’t know the difference between love and admiration. they are not necessarily truth-seekers. They know how to appear genuine. They are often highly intelligent and motivated by their need for attention and power. You will think that you have something in common, a deep connection. narcissists and empaths are actually very similar, or at least, they appear to be very similar, on the surface. They just happen to be motivated by different things. Or the same things in different ways, e.g; people-pleasing is a common trait. an empath will want others to be happy, as their own happiness depends on it, a narcissist will want to be liked, and nothing more, though this will be thinly-veiled, as no real effort will go into these attempts. Everything is for show. If a kind deed is not going to be seen or heard, or at least give them emotional power over others, it immediately loses it’s appeal. . Its important to judge people by their actions and not just their words. It is easy to be charming and say all the right things, but it takes real heart to be thoughtful and genuine.
Narcissists are not bad people, we all have elements of narcissism in us. every single on of us. We’re only human. but there is usually some kind of balance. Empaths are people who have overactive empathy levels (such as feeling the emotions in a room and being deeply affected by them, and almost knowing what others are thinking) and narcissist have overactive egos (they are fuelled by greed and popularity and power and driven by their egos. e.g.. jealousy, bitterness, pride, spite, manipulation are often in play. It can be shocking what lengths they will go to to get revenge on anyone who they believed has wronged them, or damaged their reputation.) Some narcissists can, or could be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is important for anyone who has been diagnosed with this, to use it as an opportunity to understand themselves and the root of the issue, so that they can try to balance out their egos and live a happier life. I’m not a professional. I’m just a dreamer. maybe some people are naturally lacking in empathy and its not something you can gain. But that does not mean that you can’t learn to make life a little easier on yourself. Just as anyone can become become swept up in narcissistic personality traits [especially in todays society, like jesus how are any of us supposed to evolve our souls at this rate? I feel it growing on me like the bubonic plague, ((and to be honest I had to google that because I wasn’t quite sure what on earth that meant)) ] , I believe that empathy is a muscle than can be flexed. All you have to do is remind yourself to put yourselves in others shoes, if this is not something that comes naturally. In my case, I need to learn to put myself in my own shoes, and get out of everyone else’s because I’m here pretending to be Gandhi when my life is in absolute shit, yet I spend half my time crying over the sadness of other people, which leaves me with no energy to sort out my own shit. BALANCE. It’s all about balance. But who knows if thats achievable eh. Fuck balance. lets change the buzzword to LOVE. Love is the most powerful force on earth. We all want love, even if we’re not willing to give it to others, or give up control. Strange isn’t it. I’ll get back to that. because you can guarantee that everything I write comes down to love, happiness and goodness and how they all interact with one another. Not talking romantically either. That’d be gas coming from me, THE ETERNAL SPINSTER.
Personally I’ve made a lot of decisions that lead to my own sadness, because i thought they would make others happier. It’s always been first nature to me. Always stepping out of the way so other people could get what i thought they deserved more than me. I’ve never liked competing with others. Bit over the top really how I’ve let it affect every aspect of my life. which i won’t go into now, because this isn’t supposed to be my life-story. But if you can relate to my experiences for the love of God, we both need a shake and you should shoot me a message so you know you are not alone in the world.
Yes, ANYWAYS. Narcissists. Not bad people. Misunderstood people perhaps, sad people, people who have hurt and manipulated many people, often as a form of self-preservation due to the hurt they themselves have experienced. But there is hope. It’s possible to identify these traits and try to understand WHY they exist, and how to reverse the affects. You can be a narcissist and still be a good person. It’s not a dirty word. And the narcissist-empath dynamic does not always have to be a destructive one, once their is mutual understanding and self-awareness involved. In a highly developed communicative and honest relationship, they can actually be very good for each other and teach each other things. Like a yin tang dynamic. The empath can teach the narcissist to understand and accept themselves, and that there is more to gain from sharing. And the narcissist can teach the empath to loosen up a bit and be a little more self-serving. Both can grow together and bring out the best in each other. Of course this is in highly ideal circumstances, and unfortunately nine times out of ten this is not the case. The narcissist will usually walk away unaffected, and move on to form new bonds with people who have not yet seen through them or dented their egos, and the empath can very well fall apart or end up feeling extremely drained and utterly disappointed and heart-broken and fucked-over beyond repair, to put it quite bluntly. So be safe and be careful. And be aware. Being ever the idealist, it I was reading this article, I would automatically zoom in on the “helping each other grow” part, but you need to realise that this is the exception, not the rule. It takes a lot of bravery and honesty and effort on both parts.
That said, by the way, two empaths or two narcissists can be equally disastrous, because one either has to take the more dominant role, leaving the other drained, or both can lose their boundaries a bit and become motivated entirely by empathy or narcissism, and forgot what relationships are actually about. It can mean that you have your own little world, which can be very magical, but can start to move away from reality if there is nobody else there to give you perspective or snap you out of it. Basically any type of relationship can be messed up. And obviously this article has an extremely narrow focus and won’t relate to the vast majority of people. But hey, its my article (just realised i called my blog post an article, I fucking wish), and I can write what I want. And theres no guarantee that anyone will see this so I can literally write 50,000 words describing my personal experience with diarrhoea if I want to. Thankfully, I don’t.
I still believe that love is powerful enough to bring out the best in people, but only if that love is mutual, healthy and the people involved in the relationship (whether platonic, or romantic), are compatible. Lets not go into the ins and outs of compatibility, there is simply too much to go through.
Like you can be highly sensitive or empathetic and be a complete asshole and dipshit and you can be a narcissist and be an absolute joy to be around and the life and soul of every gathering. Its how you BEHAVE that makes the difference. Thankfully, that part we have control over. Nobody is doomed and nothing is set in stone. Also this is not about how other perceive you, or me trying to throw judgement on any individuals or groups or make anyone feel bad or ashamed or like anything is “wrong”. This is about knowing yourself and protecting yourself and others. Mine is obviously a bit biased towards being more empathetic, but because I’m empathetic it means I can also relate to narcissism. And because I live in todays world, where we are all a bit narcissistic. And I’m pretty sure its part of human nature (to a certain extent. Doesn’t mean we should run with it and use it to trample people on our way to the top DOES IT). Or be so busy feeling other’s feelings that you forget to feel your own and get too overwhelmed by the actual emotions themselves, to be able to do anything helpful or productive with them. And instead get caught in a cycle of having meltdowns and feeling helpless and crying about the world on a daily basis.
***I’m not a psychologist, or any kind of expert at all. sorry for sounding all fancy. i am a good-for-nothing’ , broke-ass 20-something who happens to have learned many difficult life lessons through being an absolute gobshite basically. so don’t take my word. do your own research. also i could be completely delusional about my own role in this, but the info is still important, ok?***
*** Also after a while of writing this I started to realise that describing people entirely by terms such as “the empath” and “the narcissist” do sound like forms of bigotry, but I promise it is not meant that way. It’s simply using these traits as characters to tell a story. I don’t wish to define anyone by these traits. There’s a lot more to individuals than this, OBVIOUSLY, and I hate to dwell on one or two negative aspects and act like these are complete character references or insurmountable obstacles**
To sum up this shit-show of an “article” that was very much riddled by attention-deficit ramblings, contradictions, and zero editing, whoever you are and however you feel, you are not alone and you deserve to be happy. Get to know yourself. Find out what’s important to you. Be around people who genuinely make you feel happy and who’s presence you feel comfortable in, not people you feel the need to help, or want to impress. Look out for you. Don’t let yourself be used, and try not to use others. And above all treat people with the same kindness, respect and love that you expect from them. Ever sat at home just wishing someone would write you a letter or do something nice? Why don’t you do something nice for someone instead. Random acts of kinds and thoughtfulness can really brighten someones day. And what you put out there comes back to you. Treat people like shit and well, don’t expect your relationships to be uncomplicated. Show love and understanding and care, and you just might get the same in return, though maybe from a place you did not expect.
LOVE YIZ ALL. Every last one of you. STARVE THE EGO, FEED THE SOUL. This is where true happiness comes from. I’m sending a giant warm basket of love to everyone reading this, and just everyone really. I don’t care who you are and how shit you think you are, you are a beautiful soul and you have great potential and you are absolutely fucking golden so just take some love and don’t make a big deal out of it ok?
❤ ❤ ❤